As long as you derive inner help and comfort from anything, keep it.          Mahatma Gandhi  


How do you know you are receiving a sign or message from your deceased loved one? Do you doubt what you interpret as signs from your loved ones? Do you want a sign so badly that you are making the lack of receiving signs a part of your grief? Do you have anxiety because you believe your child or loved one is angry resentful, guilty, remorseful or any other human feeling you may worry about? Do you want the same sign other bereaved parents receive?

Receiving after death communications (signs and messages from our deceased loved ones) is not just a desire of the bereaved. It is not wishful thinking. It is a part of learning to live your life differently after the death of a loved one. And it too, like grief, is a process and it will take time to develop your new relationship.  It takes three simple (but not easy) steps to learn how to develop and maintain a relationship with your deceased loved one. Those steps are:
1. (Be) Aware
2. Notice
3. Trust

Yesterday my son demonstrated a perfect example of the process. I was fairly distracted with errands and appointments most of the day. I first sat in the doctor’s office waiting to be called when I noticed the piped in music playing a Duran Duran song.  After running a couple more errands, I entered a shop where their music system was playing the same Duran Duran song. Of course I thought of Zac as he liked Duran Duran (when he was little) and I remember how he played this song on his record player growing up. After returning to my car and beginning my drive home, I turned the radio on to immediately hear the same Duran Duran song.  Directly after the third time this song played, the Cindy Lauper song, “All Through the Night” played. This is a song that we sang loudly to while driving in the car when the boys were younger.  Some people might think these four incidents were coincidental to explain circumstances that they might not be able to explain. I don’t.

Establishing a continuing relationship with your loved one follows those three steps. Zac was making sure that I “got it” yesterday. I understood the message of important songs to our history, in three different situations and he obviously had an ulterior motive for the contact. (Possibly assisting with this post!)

Anyone and everyone can communicate with their loved ones. They have to open themselves up to communicate and to listen. (Zac 7-31-01)

Receiving signs and messages:
·             is not dependent upon “practice,”
·            it is not dependent upon your desire or lack thereof
·            it is not that your loved one is angry, resentful nor has any residual feeling from their physical life.

#1.  To be able to receive signs and messages it is dependent upon clearing your mind enough to be able to be Aware. This is a subject for another post but focusing your mind is necessary to be able to receive your loved one’s messages and signs. This communication is a two-way process and from each direction, messages need to be sent and received by each spirit. (You are now speaking a different language too)      In our grief we tend to forget our responsibility in the communication. 

#2.  This is where the noticing enters. The receiver (you) needs to recognize the personal messages being sent.

#3   Trust is developed when you come to know that what you experience is not coincidence and moves beyond your belief. Yes, people may “see signs” when there are none because they want (and hope) to establish some contact with their loved one. However, it is through a personal process of learning awareness, noticing and trusting that you will come to have a continuing relationship with your child or loved one.

People may ridicule you and say you are seeing things. Others may label your experiences as coincidence. You may doubt yourself and what you experienced, what you feel or you may question whether you are making “something out of nothing.” Here is where the step of trust is crucial to the process.

When I first established my new relationship with my son, Zac after his death he used a helpful metaphor to explain the process. He said that when he first attempted to “reach” me while I was in the midst of my early, deep grief, it was like he was inside the television, knocking on the screen, trying to get my attention with the sound turned off. I was unreachable.

When each being is ready, (you and your loved one) communication will occur. I wish you patience, grace and trust in your journey.  Chris
P.S.  If you have questions about this process, please feel free to comment or ask!  


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